2. Sing anything in a heavy English accent to any background music. If nobody can understand what you’re saying, then it must be brilliant.

3. Make sure your song has no structure whatsoever. Any hint of a chorus that is repeated is bad news. Apparently no structure = brilliant.

4. If you are going to have structure in your song, make sure your voice is horrible and/or raspy. Make it clear you do nothing but smoke cigarettes when you’re not singing. This is apparently brilliant as well.

5. Repetitive lyrics with a non-repetitive background track is also apparently brilliant. If the song volume builds from start to finish, this is a bonus. Brilliant.

6. If everyone in your band has the same last name and you don’t claim to be virgins, then whatever you write will be fine. Brilliance is apparently genetic. Long hair helps too. But again — not if you’re virgins.

7. If you were successful in the 60s or 70s, anything you write now will be brilliant. You’re pretty much assured a Grammy nomination. If you’re from the 50s you’re out of luck.

8. If your song is nowhere to be found on mainstream radio, it must be brilliant.

9. If your song makes use of any variety of honky-tonk instruments but doesn’t fall within the honky-tonk genre, you’re brilliant.

10. Your song is probably brilliant if your band name was created with a bullshit generator.

11. Do not, under any circumstances allow your song to sell more than 100,000 copies unless at least 10 celebrities are on-board with you. Then it’s fine and brilliant.

12. No matter how brilliant your song is, if it hits #1 on Billboard Hot 100, it loses all credibility.

13. If your lyrics exhibit frustration, indicate impending suicide, or rage against the boss that fired you at The Gap, it’s probably brilliant.

14. If you’re a rap artist who has been on stage with a previously successful rap artist and have muttered at least one “Yo” or “Hey” during that successful rap artist’s performance. You’re likely to be brilliant when you release your song too.

15. If you can rhyme things quickly, the song will be brilliant.

16. If you’re going to use electronic background music, make sure the vocal is as weak as possible. This is brilliant too.

17. A drunk-sounding voiceover at any point during the song will add brilliance points immediately.

18. If you are singing country, make sure your voice sounds as twangy as possible in your song even if you don’t have a noticeable twang when you speak normally. Twang is brilliant.

19. If there are two vocalists in your band, make sure the combination of your voices sounds like absolute shit. The song will be brilliant.

20. If you’re an R&B artist, you’re pretty much screwed. The ONLY circumstance where your song will be considered brilliant is if it’s sung to a rock-sounding background track.

21. If you’re female, make sure you can play guitar and/or piano. And make sure your song puts whoever listens to it to sleep. And sound like you just popped a few downers. The combo is brilliant.

22. Give away your song for free online in protest of a record company. It doesn’t matter what is in the song. This whole sales mechanism is apparently brilliant.

23. If your song is written in a major key, find a way to make it sad or else it won’t be brilliant.

24. Better yet, don’t risk it. Write in minor keys only. Anything written in a minor key is brilliant.

25. Hit a cowbell at least once in your song. It can be covered up with your horrible vocal. It doesn’t matter. Just do it. This is brillant.

Beige Option #1: I do not see a reason why abortion shouldn’t be included and paid for as part of medical plans — it’s legal and health related even if it is somewhat elective. There are many issues in this country, moral and otherwise, that people don’t agree with yet public funds goes towards enforcing. Take the death penalty, for example. Not everyone agrees with it, yet there’s nothing holding back public funds from being used to complete prisoner executions. The fact is that we cannot earmark our tax money to go towards the things we want. We accept the legality of many things and our money gets spent on it whether we like it or not.

Beige Option #2: If abortion was not covered, I wouldn’t care either. The reality is that abortion is neither complicated nor expensive and could fall into the category of nose or boob job — it’s medical, yet elective (in most cases). Frankly, we wouldn’t need health care reform if every procedure was as affordable as an abortion. Someone may go into short term debt if they have to spend out-of-pocket money to get an abortion. I have no problem with this. Therefore it would be equally fine with me if abortion was dropped from all medical plans.

I feel as though the abortion issue has already helped to derail the public option and water down the health care bill as it stands. Maybe it wouldn’t have been an issue if 60 votes weren’t necessary to get these bills passed. So perhaps we need to look at the bigger picture and decide whether or not it makes sense to require 60 votes to get anything done anymore.

True critical thinking involves exploring both sides of the story, looking at facts, and making a decision. But when a news report is immediately followed by an opinion show, can the viewer actually take steps to do his or her own critical thinking? It’s doubtful.

Even worse might be opinion shows that play immediately prior to true news reporting. If a viewer is riled up by opinion, then shown news clips, the immediate processing of that news via snap judgments could easily influence how the viewer processes the news.

It makes me wonder  that even if your actual news segments are truly “fair and balanced,” does it matter when that report is book-ended by distinctly biased opinion shows? It would seem that whether you’re watching CNN, Fox News, or MSNBC — the salt and peppering of news between opinion shows could easily be influencing how you view the day’s events.

It’s difficult to find unbiased news reporting these days since often the news is reported within the context of bias itself via a question. For example, “Is Obama ruining the future of our children?” is much more biased than reporting the actual actions Obama has taken and letting the viewer wonder if Obama is ruining our childrens’ futures.

Even though it is difficult, it’s important to try and sift through the bias, particularly if your only source of news is the television or a specific blog. Even newspapers can make it difficult to decipher between fact and opinion when the Opinion page is so close to the actual news.

Look for facts. Look for actions. If someone is quoted, make sure what they’re saying is fact and not opinion. Look up facts on your own if you aren’t sure. Then decide for yourself. Don’t let someone else decide for you, especially if they’re at best a communications major reading off a script.

A luxury hotel room might have nice linens and furniture, marble tile in the bathroom, and perhaps even a phone or a TV near the toilet. Yet, in most cases the room is still that — just a room. In most cases a standard hotel room is about the size of a decent sized bedroom with a little extra room to move.

Yet so often, I found myself oohing and ahhing over a hotel room that was smaller than my usual place of residence, had less things in it, and was costing me extra for everything — internet, breakfast, parking, etc.

I found that the 2 to 3 star hotels were much the same as the upper-level hotels and cost a whole lot less. Sure the decor might not be as spectacular and the sheet thread count might be a little bit less — but in the end, who cares. It’s a place to sleep. And often the 2 star hotels will have free parking, free internet, and free breakfast, which saves you anywhere from $20-30 a night in extra fees you might spend at a 4 star hotel.

The only thing that would make me pay more for a hotel room is the view or the location. If there’s nothing nearby that is a fair substitute, I’ll spend the money. But other than that, it’s just a waste.

Enough about the CO2. Greenhouse gases do help keep the heat in but what about the obvious contribution to global warming from humans– THE HEAT?

Think about the last time you were in a room with a bunch of people and the windows were closed. Perhaps it was in a classroom, perhaps you were at an orgy. In most cases, after a period of time, the room heated up.  Was this caused by the CO2 buildup? No! It was caused by the HEAT given off from breathing and body heat loss.

On a cold day, when you breathe you can see your breath? Why? Because the water vapor in your breath is warmer than the air and it condenses when hit with the cold and you see it. The fact of the matter is that it’s not just the water vapor in your breath that has been heated — the air is heated too.  If you’re inhaling 30 degree air, and exhaling air that’s warmer than that, haven’t you contributed to an increase of the ambient temperature, however minor it is?

So why is the obvious fact that the human body gives off heat via breathing, sweating, and emanating being ignored and everyone jumps to CO2 analysis?

If you think about the atmosphere as a giant room, filled with billions of people, is it so far fetched to think that the more people you add to the “room” will result in a warmer temperature overall?

My dad, for example, is getting extremely frustrated that his own dad doesn’t respond to his advice about things. Yet, try to tell my dad something and he’ll completely ignore your advice too. Even if you explain to him how he’s acting just like my grandpa, he still doesn’t get it.

My point in writing this is that even when you think you’re all on top of your life, there’s always a chance to step back and ask, “What am I doing that’s stupid?” It might be something like being late with credit card payments, or spending too much, or procrastinating.

It’s a lot easier to try to change your own habits once you become aware of them than it is to try to convince someone else to change theirs.

It’s simple: Expect to hit every red light.

I found that when I was driving up to green lights and some idiot cut me off or the light changed just as I was getting to it, that I would get very angry.

But now, since I expect to hit every red light, the rage is gone and instead of jumping from expectation to rage, I jump from zero expectation to elation. (Or elation as it relates to getting through a stoplight.)

So try it next time you’re driving and see how it affects your attitude.