It’s like if every time you upgraded a room in your house with new paint then suddenly all the fucking furniture breaks. USELESS!

It took weeks/months to get those apps fixed and I finally had everything working correctly. My ONLY gripe was still battery life but I had started managing that by turning on Airplane mode at night and plugging it in whenever I would remember.

I ignored the update THREE times. THREE times! Then one day I thought, “Well MAYBE this upgrade will fix battery life?” So I installed it.

I don’t know why the fuck I thought a SOFTWARE update would fix a BATTERY problem. Software doesn’t magically create energy. If it did I’d be able to power the universe with all the code I’ve written in the last year.

So I installed it like a fucking idiot and went to take a shower.

Now I like to use my EVO to listen to music while in the shower. It’s great to have the external speaker, crank up a playlist and suds up. But this time all Rhapsody did was cycle through my songs — not playing a single note.

Pandora crapped out too. It started playing then hung, then got screwed itself. As I was closing Pandora, Rhapsody crashed completely and had the pop-up screen of death.

No music for me. I was stuck singing a capella and left to discover just how truly awful my voice was.

So I dried off and searched about the problem, naturally finding a few hundred posts about it only AFTER I added “2011″ to my search. If you don’t specify the year you’re likely to see the previous year’s issues which were more/less the same. Luckily I found this handy trick. It worked right away! (I actually am typing this in advance of installing the fix just for the sake of hope.)

FIRST — CALL SPRINT AND GET YOUR MSL CODE. IT’S NOTHING SPECIAL JUST ASK A REP.

1) Dial ##3282#
2) Choose Edit Mode
3) Enter MSL Code (Had to call Sprint to get this)
4) Choose Advanced
5) Change HTTP PD Proxy Port to: 0    (orig was 8085)
6) Change HTTP PD Proxy Address to: 0.0.0.0     (orig was pd.vog.sprintpcs.com)

Done! AND IT WORKED.

Now that my most pressing issue is solved I can go on to discover what else is broken. I already saw a sneaky Blockbuster app installed on there but I’ll be damned if I am going to spend $17.99 to download a movie to watch on a fucking 4 inch screen!

From the articles the researchers seemed to have no idea why this was happening and thought that perhaps the hormones that handle cell growth were at fault.

It’s likely they concluded this because cancer is a disease that usually occurs after a cell replicates with errors that then catch hold and continue replicating until the cancerous cells overtakes the organ or other part of the body that is infected by cancer.

Now I am no expert at cancer, but I do know a thing or two about math. That’s why when I first heard about increased cancer in taller people my first thought was, “Well, okay, that makes sense because taller people have more cells, right? So if each cell has the same probability of turning cancerous then there are more chances of cancer.”

If you’re taller you likely have larger organs. Larger organs are not made with larger cells, they’re made with more cells.

So if you have more cells in your body and each cell has a certain likelihood of turning cancerous, then wouldn’t it follow that you have a greater chance of getting cancer?

Think about it from a lottery standpoint. If you only buy one ticket then your odds are 1 in 1 million of winning and if you buy two tickets then your odds go to 2 in 1 million. Increase in tickets = increase in overall odds of winning. So if each cell was a lottery ticket why wouldn’t an increase in cells = increase in overall odds of cancer?

Seems logical to me.

Since I am quite passive aggressive, I have been playing with several ideas to try and calm the annoying storm outside my door. I’ve thought about sliding a note under the door when they’re gone. I’ve thought about giving stink eye every time I leave my unit. Hell, I’ve even  thought about getting a neon sign that says “Shut the fuck up!” and hang it from the window I have between my space and the hallway. Until yesterday the only thing I’ve done is tried to scream “Shut up!” or “Shhhh” or “Be quiet!” like someone with Tourette’s and hope they’d hear me and get the hint. This has not worked.

But today I hopefully figured it out. At first I loaded up that “mosquito” sound that businesses would play to annoy teenagers. Aside from being quite loudly pitched and even though my speakers were facing right out the window, nobody seemed to notice. It wasn’t until I broke out the classical music that things made a turn for the better.

I love classical music so playing it loudly is somewhat thrilling. Add in the fact that it would likely annoy the shit out of the type of people that are in the hallways and it’s a passive agressive’s dream come true. Within seconds of cranking up Chabrier’s Espana, someone shook my door as if to tell me to turn it down. Within three minutes, there was no more speaking. As of this writing it has been an hour and nobody has even passed by my door.

Let’s hope the hint has been gotten. But the good news is that I have hours and hours of lovely classical music at my finger tips through my Rhapsody account. And the best part is that can people in the hallway really complain that someone inside their own unit is making too much noise and bothering THEM? No. If it’s bothering you, get the fuck inside your own unit. If you still hear it, then complain.

2. Sing anything in a heavy English accent to any background music. If nobody can understand what you’re saying, then it must be brilliant.

3. Make sure your song has no structure whatsoever. Any hint of a chorus that is repeated is bad news. Apparently no structure = brilliant.

4. If you are going to have structure in your song, make sure your voice is horrible and/or raspy. Make it clear you do nothing but smoke cigarettes when you’re not singing. This is apparently brilliant as well.

5. Repetitive lyrics with a non-repetitive background track is also apparently brilliant. If the song volume builds from start to finish, this is a bonus. Brilliant.

6. If everyone in your band has the same last name and you don’t claim to be virgins, then whatever you write will be fine. Brilliance is apparently genetic. Long hair helps too. But again — not if you’re virgins.

7. If you were successful in the 60s or 70s, anything you write now will be brilliant. You’re pretty much assured a Grammy nomination. If you’re from the 50s you’re out of luck.

8. If your song is nowhere to be found on mainstream radio, it must be brilliant.

9. If your song makes use of any variety of honky-tonk instruments but doesn’t fall within the honky-tonk genre, you’re brilliant.

10. Your song is probably brilliant if your band name was created with a bullshit generator.

11. Do not, under any circumstances allow your song to sell more than 100,000 copies unless at least 10 celebrities are on-board with you. Then it’s fine and brilliant.

12. No matter how brilliant your song is, if it hits #1 on Billboard Hot 100, it loses all credibility.

13. If your lyrics exhibit frustration, indicate impending suicide, or rage against the boss that fired you at The Gap, it’s probably brilliant.

14. If you’re a rap artist who has been on stage with a previously successful rap artist and have muttered at least one “Yo” or “Hey” during that successful rap artist’s performance. You’re likely to be brilliant when you release your song too.

15. If you can rhyme things quickly, the song will be brilliant.

16. If you’re going to use electronic background music, make sure the vocal is as weak as possible. This is brilliant too.

17. A drunk-sounding voiceover at any point during the song will add brilliance points immediately.

18. If you are singing country, make sure your voice sounds as twangy as possible in your song even if you don’t have a noticeable twang when you speak normally. Twang is brilliant.

19. If there are two vocalists in your band, make sure the combination of your voices sounds like absolute shit. The song will be brilliant.

20. If you’re an R&B artist, you’re pretty much screwed. The ONLY circumstance where your song will be considered brilliant is if it’s sung to a rock-sounding background track.

21. If you’re female, make sure you can play guitar and/or piano. And make sure your song puts whoever listens to it to sleep. And sound like you just popped a few downers. The combo is brilliant.

22. Give away your song for free online in protest of a record company. It doesn’t matter what is in the song. This whole sales mechanism is apparently brilliant.

23. If your song is written in a major key, find a way to make it sad or else it won’t be brilliant.

24. Better yet, don’t risk it. Write in minor keys only. Anything written in a minor key is brilliant.

25. Hit a cowbell at least once in your song. It can be covered up with your horrible vocal. It doesn’t matter. Just do it. This is brillant.

Beige Option #1: I do not see a reason why abortion shouldn’t be included and paid for as part of medical plans — it’s legal and health related even if it is somewhat elective. There are many issues in this country, moral and otherwise, that people don’t agree with yet public funds goes towards enforcing. Take the death penalty, for example. Not everyone agrees with it, yet there’s nothing holding back public funds from being used to complete prisoner executions. The fact is that we cannot earmark our tax money to go towards the things we want. We accept the legality of many things and our money gets spent on it whether we like it or not.

Beige Option #2: If abortion was not covered, I wouldn’t care either. The reality is that abortion is neither complicated nor expensive and could fall into the category of nose or boob job — it’s medical, yet elective (in most cases). Frankly, we wouldn’t need health care reform if every procedure was as affordable as an abortion. Someone may go into short term debt if they have to spend out-of-pocket money to get an abortion. I have no problem with this. Therefore it would be equally fine with me if abortion was dropped from all medical plans.

I feel as though the abortion issue has already helped to derail the public option and water down the health care bill as it stands. Maybe it wouldn’t have been an issue if 60 votes weren’t necessary to get these bills passed. So perhaps we need to look at the bigger picture and decide whether or not it makes sense to require 60 votes to get anything done anymore.

True critical thinking involves exploring both sides of the story, looking at facts, and making a decision. But when a news report is immediately followed by an opinion show, can the viewer actually take steps to do his or her own critical thinking? It’s doubtful.

Even worse might be opinion shows that play immediately prior to true news reporting. If a viewer is riled up by opinion, then shown news clips, the immediate processing of that news via snap judgments could easily influence how the viewer processes the news.

It makes me wonder  that even if your actual news segments are truly “fair and balanced,” does it matter when that report is book-ended by distinctly biased opinion shows? It would seem that whether you’re watching CNN, Fox News, or MSNBC — the salt and peppering of news between opinion shows could easily be influencing how you view the day’s events.

It’s difficult to find unbiased news reporting these days since often the news is reported within the context of bias itself via a question. For example, “Is Obama ruining the future of our children?” is much more biased than reporting the actual actions Obama has taken and letting the viewer wonder if Obama is ruining our childrens’ futures.

Even though it is difficult, it’s important to try and sift through the bias, particularly if your only source of news is the television or a specific blog. Even newspapers can make it difficult to decipher between fact and opinion when the Opinion page is so close to the actual news.

Look for facts. Look for actions. If someone is quoted, make sure what they’re saying is fact and not opinion. Look up facts on your own if you aren’t sure. Then decide for yourself. Don’t let someone else decide for you, especially if they’re at best a communications major reading off a script.

Enough about the CO2. Greenhouse gases do help keep the heat in but what about the obvious contribution to global warming from humans– THE HEAT?

Think about the last time you were in a room with a bunch of people and the windows were closed. Perhaps it was in a classroom, perhaps you were at an orgy. In most cases, after a period of time, the room heated up.  Was this caused by the CO2 buildup? No! It was caused by the HEAT given off from breathing and body heat loss.

On a cold day, when you breathe you can see your breath? Why? Because the water vapor in your breath is warmer than the air and it condenses when hit with the cold and you see it. The fact of the matter is that it’s not just the water vapor in your breath that has been heated — the air is heated too.  If you’re inhaling 30 degree air, and exhaling air that’s warmer than that, haven’t you contributed to an increase of the ambient temperature, however minor it is?

So why is the obvious fact that the human body gives off heat via breathing, sweating, and emanating being ignored and everyone jumps to CO2 analysis?

If you think about the atmosphere as a giant room, filled with billions of people, is it so far fetched to think that the more people you add to the “room” will result in a warmer temperature overall?